In 2007, at age 22, I decided to create a Facebook account thinking that finally getting out of the pot-drenched painting-obsessed dark hermetic hole I’d been in for the previous 3 years and moving to Chicago to start a real life I should probably get in touch with Modern Times. But what seemed like an innocent gesture to reconnect with the old friends I had lost after leaving my hometown (and maybe get a peek at how a couple old crushes had turned out) has not so slowly progressed into daily assaults of the most intimate moments and memories in the lives of virtual strangers. . I never knew that this was what it meant to get connected. I never knew that I would be dragged through the journey that starts with some chick’s moment of engagement, centerpiece and bridesmaid dress vetting, bachelorette party, then actual special day and ceremonial kiss when I once passed her in the hallway without ever exchanging a word. I never asked to see pictures of her newborn baby taken right at the hospital. A baby that I’ll never meet in real life. Whose images under normal circumstances would be reserved for private emails and texts. The pics that I may actually be seeing before some other relatives get to because they’re not on Social Media and they haven’t had time to check their phones. I didn't particularly want to know anything about that baby's first success at potty training either. The whole poop is cute thing... I just figured we only cared about our own. I never asked to experience the confusion, confirmation, and mourning over a man’s suicide in real time. A man I never knew personally. Who maybe only friended me for the same reason that other New Canaan High School Alums have – my overly developed teenage tits. I didn’t ask for all of you to bombard me with your deepest personal moments, your most intimate details, your pain and suffering. Do you expect me to unload all of mine? Or are you just waiting for me to post a hot picture of myself and say something funny?
But there’s one thing that no one wants to talk about and it’s how they made all those beautiful little special pooping babies. It’s how much fun they got to have after the wedding guests went home and they consufuckingmated that perfectly #blessed marriage. It’s the actual best part of that trip to Europe when they weren’t taking 129 pictures of each other drinking red wine on balconies. Because it seems that once you have a life partner, or a marriage, or a child, you don’t need to worry about being a sexual animal anymore. Our social structure is designed so that women have two options – the wife and mother or the slut. And celebrating my milestones publicly such as overcoming an unhealthy dating pattern, outsmarting a Fuckboy, or having the best sex I’ve had to date, is either ignored, shamed, or even flagged as containing nudity just so I’ll be forced to censor my own sexuality.
I’ve started this website so that I can have a space to give back to a community of sex positive women (and those supportive men) who are actually interested in stories about sex, dating, and the real struggles a woman can face when her needs fall outside of contemporary social standards. It’s my place to expose, to offer advice, to let you in on the intimate details of my life that would otherwise not be acknowledged or even recognized on the platforms of traditional Social Media. Hell most of it would be banned.
I’m not a Sexpert by any means. But I’ve had a particular type of analytic focus on men since my very first Megacrush in the 4th grade. The writing started then and has never stopped. From first fuck at fifteen to the kind of sex I seek out now I’ve maintained the philosophy that sex should be fun, inconsequential, and 100% on my terms. That means only and specifically when I want it. Not when I’m feeling something emotionally that might get better if I stick a dick in it. And never when I think I have something to gain from it other than pleasure during that session itself. Sex is Pleasure guys. It’s nothing more and nothing less. It’s simply a way of getting off socially.
During my nine years Chicago I tried my hand at Fuckbuddies, constant flows of one night stands, wild love affairs, non committal dating, online dating, abstinence, and even a serious relationship here or there, I really tried. The knowledge and experience I bring to these essays come from almost a decade of searching for what I really want from a partner and the diverse path through personalities, sex acts, and structures of relationships it has taken me.
I hope you will find something of value here no matter how little our stats or predilections may overlap. I encourage you to comment on my posts, share your experiences or disagree with me if you have a completely contradictory story. We should be talking about this subject openly and learning from each others’ failures and successes. To share is to teach, no matter the subject or what lesson may emerge.
A special note: If you have found this link through a Facebook post please keep in mind that this is an adult site. It contains nudity and explicit content. Unlike a shared online community, if you are not comfortable with something you have the choice to close this tab and never hear from me again.
Thanks for visiting and please enjoy the journey through all of my disasters and triumphs in the afterhours of Chicagoland 2007-2016.