10 STEPS TO WRITING EXTREMELY LONG EMAILS THAT WILL DISTANCE YOU FROM ANY RELATIONSHIP (October 2009)
Choose your audience.
It is essential that you are writing to someone that you have a questionable relationship with. Stability will get you nowhere, where ambivalence can catapult you into an endless rant.
Start with a question that only the other person can answer. Try to answer it. Say whatever you need to say to work out this answer.
Never pause. Let your fingers move at the pace of your inner voice. Stopping to think about what you are typing will only give you opportunities to leave out important destructive content.
Embrace your tangents. if your brain leaves the subject to ponder another topic just follow it. The more issues brought up the better, especially if these issues pose uncomfortable, unanswerable questions.
Ignore whatever boundaries you may feel exist. An important part of pushing someone away is crossing over the line. Instead of observing them and ignoring, try to not even consider boundaries at all. This will eliminate any anxiety you may have when approaching these limits that may hinder you from saying whatever the hell you want.
If you write something that you regret or don't mean to say, don't delete it.
Instead, explain why it wasn't intentional and what that could possibly mean. Let that take you wherever it may.
Do not stop writing until you feel intellectually exhausted. You should have explored every possibility of this question (or better yet - questionS) about your relationship and analyzed it from ever angle. You will know when you have reached a stopping point when you simply cannot think anymore.
Do not edit. Do not reread. Accept your email as it is - an unfiltered flood of thoughts, theories and information.
Always press send. You may feel crazy at the end of this rant, you may feel like it's not worth the trouble. Do not back down. These thoughts exist to be shared so by all means - always press send.
Reread as many times as necessary AFTER the email has been sent and follow up with any spelling or grammar corrections. This is also a good opportunity to clarify anything that you think hadn’t been thoroughly explained.
If you follow this program it is pretty much guaranteed that you will end up writing an extremely long email that will make the recipient uncomfortable and wanting to distance him or herself from you. If you pick the appropriate person you can even incite a fantastically unnecessary fight.
If it's intimacy that scares you, this plan is a foolproof way to ensure that it's something you'll never have.