So. The beard. I keep fucking thinking about the beard and I’m going to have to say something because it’s driving me crazy and I can’t fucking… because I know what it’s about for me. I got to the bottom of my problems with beards. I mean those assholes with the beards where you can’t see faces are fucking assholes. But close shaven facial hair I’ve always been into. Always. That picture of Charles looking down at me is like the hottest thing… still. Still it’s amazing. Charles with a full on beard no. But that… that really tight one. Always done it for me. Ray’s was never well-maintained. He always looked like shit. When I ran into him and he was working downtown he looked amazing. It was way under control. But. That wasn’t the point. What ruined beards for me was really something that only ruined Ray’s beard, and that’s when he told me his reason for having one. It wasn’t just the reason which was fucking terrible and dickless enough, it was that he told me in the first place. He said that he had grown it out for winter then when thinking about shaving it again his ex wife told him not to - beards are IN right now. So hey - keep the beard, right? GROSS. Ok she’s the thing that she is I don’t know the bitch but I’ve seen her Instagram account I'm not too surprised. But Ray? We weren’t dating at the time. Because I told him to shave, he did, and I fucked him immediately. Then he grew it back. Honestly he looks better with a little hair on his face, I felt like I was kissing a 16-year-old. But it was just… it was his unkempt beard. It was his fucking do whatever women tell me to do requirement BFA so I can be cool story. And it was positioning his ex wife next to me to see how I’d measure up like he did the whole time we were together. All of that. All of that around a goddam beard. I didn't bring it up, you did. Just SHAVE YOUR FUCKING BEARD. It doesn’t mean anything. It doesn’t make you this or that. No man is more or less man based on how he grows, treats, prunes his fucking facial hair. All a beard does is shade or balance the contrast on a person’s face to either detract or bring attention to other features. It’s an aesthetic tool. Not symbolic, no no. The only symbolism you can read in a beard anymore is that it belongs to a fucking asshole who thinks it says something about him. Beards are like makeup. We can use concealer and foundation, play with contouring if we need to shift balance around. Maybe darken our eyes, pop the lips. Men can just grow hair and cover things entirely if need be, maybe bring ALL the attention to those smoldering eyes and soft lips. I’m down. Short shorn beards. Fine. FINE! Prince did it. Prince looked hot as shit. Why don’t all you motherfuckers start shaving your faces like Prince. Sorry. Sorry. We’re trying to suggest rugged manliness here. Well. Got some information. Prince? REAL DOM. Yeah. All you beanie wearing motherfuckers I see daily? Eyes to the ground when you pass me on the street. I know which of those beards I’m letting go down on me next. And I’m pretty sure he’s going to ask before I have to.
It’s not beards. It’s you. Well some of you yes it’s your beards take care of that shit. Everyone else. I’m sorry for yelling at your face hair when I just wanted to call you out for being a pussy. The general population of male face hair didn’t deserve it. I apologize to well-intended beards. Prince - call me.